It is funny how synchronicities occur. One night Beloved B and I are sitting on the porch reflecting on the day and this topic comes up, the idea of delaying happiness until something changes. Then, an Emotions Anonymous daily reflection arrives via the email Loop. I must think more on this.
Earlier in my life, I fell into the “I’ll be happy when X happens” mindset. I’m my twenties, it was all about rising and achieving—I’ll be happy when I get this cool teaching job; I’ll be happy when I win X-literary prize or get a book published by X-press; I’ll be happy when I buy a house.
In my early thirties, after my mental illness pulled me out of that rat race, it was all about returning to normalcy-I’ll be happy when my illness and symptoms disappear; I’ll be happy when I can return to the poetry world; I’ll be happy when I can work again. But I’ve learned that never works, because I just shift it to the next thing.
It becomes this insatiable one-upping of desire-I’ll be happy when I get a significant other becomes I’ll be happy when we are engaged becomes I’ll be happy when we are married becomes I’ll be happy when we have kids and on and on it goes. And then I found Ram Dass-be here now.
I turned from looking ahead to the next great thing to being in the present with all the fruit it gifts. Through my mindfulness practice, I am learning more and more how to be in the grateful, present state of loving awareness.
I’ve heard Pete Holmes say, “If you can’t be happy on the plane, the beach isn’t going to save you.” That’s the commitment Beloved B and I made to each other the other night: to continue to be happy now, present with what is. Otherwise, resistance creates suffering. Be happy now, Ram Dass might add.