Letter To A Friend Giving Therapy A Try
My unprofessional-but-highly-road-tested take on beginning counseling
Hey buddy,
First, let me say how proud I am for you taking this next step in your curriculum. Talk therapy has been a huge game changer for me in managing my mental illness and healing some deep wounds. I hope you find this situation rewarding, as challenging and intense as it is sure to be.
I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 8 years old. Some of it really helped, and some did more harm than good. That’s why I like to share my experience, so pals like you don’t have to navigate this murky system as blindly as I did.
As you start, it’s helpful to remember that there are many approaches to talk therapy, so I always encourage folks to read up on the different styles and be ready to ask questions of your therapist to see if their approach fits what you’re hoping to accomplish. What’s their focus? What areas do they specialize in? What kinds of treatment options and plans can they offer?
There’s often this “you get what you get” pressure in matching with a therapist. In reality, it can often take several tries to find the right fit for a therapist. I always say give it at least three sessions, but by then, you’ll know in your heart if it’s a match.
Similarly, remember that this is a collaboration, not a competition, between you and your therapist. I like to be upfront about what I need (and at times that’s been “I need you to take the lead”). Right now, for instance, I am in a good flow, so I’m doing a lot of reporting about my life, so I’m just having my therapist ask questions to help me dig deeper. Other times, I’ve had therapists who have led the way, helping me piece things together to see the bigger picture. Again, it’s about you and how they can assist in your deep important work.
The thing that I forgot about for a long time is the logistical part. Do I have time before sessions to collect myself and afterwards to debrief? I find a lot of people cram therapy in the middle of a hectic day, which just adds stress. Even if it’s just ten minutes before to go on a walk or meditate and ten minutes after to journal or just pause and reflect, that transition period can really help. Good therapy is gonna be uncomfortable and challenging at times so creating cozy, reflective space around it can really synthesize things.
Remember that there’s no “right” way to do therapy, and it can look different each time. Just share openly and be totally honest. I’ve found therapy to be a safe space to practice the communication style I want to carry in the rest of my life—explaining my inner workings to another, being vulnerable, working through stuff instead of going around it. There’s lots of work, but there is no test.
Talk therapy is only one component to a balanced, healthy internal relationship to yourself. Again, finding what works for you takes work, trial and error. For me, it’s been therapy, yoga/meditation, psych meds, and community groups like my church, my yoga classes, and the disc golf scene. Happy to talk more if you wanna know more about my experience with any of that.
I hope that’s helpful. With all the pressures and stimulation of modern life, we are sensitive people. We have inherited a strange perspective on the self and our emotional life. There’s an obvious tension there. I hope this process illuminates just how wonderful of a light you are.
Your buddy,
T-GOB
Thank you for the encouragement, information, and reminders.