NOTES FROM THE COUCH

A new series on spirituality, mental health, & chronic pain

Notes From The Couch is a new series that features reflections on spirituality, mental health, & chronic pain. On the days my struggles keep me locked to the couch, I will reach out to the world to share the things that I have been thinking about, what I have been enjoying, & how I am coping. May it be an offering to all who suffer.

1. “All hearts are tempted to grow numb, to withdraw and tuck in as if about to roost for the long night. We must not allow this to happen.” - Rick Bass

2. Beloved B & I were talking last night about how, when you add together my winter depression, my chronic pain, & this recent flu, I have had only three fully-functional, healthy days in 2026.

3. I am bummed by that fact, but also flooded with gratitude that I have the resources & support to face these challenges with honesty & a focus on self-care. I know that is a privilege.

4. I know so many others are suffering greatly in the face of the current madness being inflicted on our culture, economy, & people by the bigotry, greed, & ignorance of the MAGA movement. My heart breaks for everyone being pushed to their limits.

5. I am heartened by the demonstrations of resistance, like those in the streets of Minnesota & high schools across the country.

6. Even a group of kiddos at my old high school walked out & stood up for their future, pushing back on the prejudice that plagues that town. I do not know if I would have had the guts to do that at their age when facing the hatefulness of the supposed adults there.

7. I also witness the suffering of so many of my friends as they navigate personal difficulties in such shaky societal times—a friend’s mom awaiting the results of a biopsy, another friend battling an eating disorder, a buddy grieving the loss of his dad.

8. I often feel guilty when I can’t show up for my loved ones as fully as I want because of my conditions, but I must remember to not let those limitations keep me from doing what I can—being available over text, sending food.

9. One of the most annoying things when I am sick, in any form, is that I lose my pull towards reading & writing. All those wasted hours lying horizontally!

10. But I must remember to lean into what I am capable of—listening to records, enjoying my tv shows, keeping up on the NBA.

11. I have been digging Luther Dickinson’s Magic Music for Family Folk, a fun, buoyant folk album recorded with friends & family at home. Its songs warm the house.

12. I have also been spinning Bryant Roses’ Blink 182 covers country albums, Dusty Carousel. The songs somehow feel nostalgic & completely new at the same time.

13. Anytime I have slipped into the car, we have been enjoying shuffling the Essentials of 1980’s Tuareg band, Tinariwen. From the first song, I was totally in.

14. When I do not have the capacity to go out or do much, Beloved B is so generous & compassionate in joining me on the couch.

15. Each week, we watch the new episode of High Potential, the cop show with the usual one-liners & extravagant murders, but complete with the most well-rounded characters in the genre.

16. New episodes of Shrinking are also trickling out, which is perfect because I recently declared Jason Segel as my favorite actor (Freaks & Geeks, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The End of the Tour).

17. We also loved the recent season of Only Murders in the Building, though I think I overlook some bad storytelling in the new episodes because of the pure charm of the lead trio.

18. I was also sick around the NBA trade deadline, which left plenty of time to listen to my favorite basketball podcasts—Bill Simmons Show, The Mismatch, & The Zach Lowe Show, all on the Ringer Network.

19. I won’t bore you with too much armchair analysis, but I do have these three thoughts.

20. If Jayson Tatum comes back close to his full self, this Nikola Vucevic trade to the Celtics could be really impactful to next year’s playoffs, maybe even this year’s team. A true stretch big who can rebound is exactly what this well-coached & cohesive needed.

21. I love the Zubac trade for both teams. The Clippers desperately replenish their picks stash and can get a look at two promising young players in Mathurin & IJax who did not fit in our system. And the Pacers get their Myles Turner replacement, a much better rebounder on a better contract, a top 10 center in the league. Even if the Clippers get our pick this year (only conveys 5-9), we got our best available option.

22. Like Mathurin, there are some really-talented-but-somewhat-disappointing young guys who have a chance to shine in new scenery—Kuminga with the Hawks, TJD with the Raptors, Cam Thomas on the Bucks, Jared McCain on the Thunder.

23. And yes, I have fallen into the trance of doom-scrolling, but when I can apply some mindfulness to my browsing, I find some gems to reflect on.

24. I love whimsical projects like these abandoned couch photos.

25. I have been inspired by the Buddhist monks on their 2300-mile Walk for Peace, loving all the photos of the offerings of strangers, their example of love, & their beautiful canine companion, Aloka.

26. I enjoyed Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl half-time show, especially with all of the cultural context of Puerto Rico & the inclusion of all the countries of the Americas.

27. I loved that the grass were costumes with people in them, haha.

28. I am baffled by how many people were complaining that it was in another language. Might I suggest the aforementioned Tinariwen, the Icelandic heroes Sigur Ros, or kirtan rockstar Krishna Das.

29. I have been reflecting on a friendship that recently ended, a commonality in the land of the mentally ill. I honestly tried my best to prevent this separation through communication & space, but it still sadly ended in a great rupture. Lots to learn still about managing relationships while managing this bipolar disorder.

30. I also passed my one-year mark of being booze-free, though I do not remember the exact date. I drank pretty heavily for a decade & have spent the last five years with the ol’ stop-start dance, dropping the booze. But this is my longest stretch, yay!

31. Like doom-scrolling, perseverating can be a dangerous trap, a dirty pit & also a beautiful well. Here are some things I keep circling back on.

32. On television & in my childhood community, everyone always offered drinks, at least a glass of water or juice, when you showed up. No one in my life does that anymore, & it makes me grumpy, haha.

33. Like my father, I spent a lot of my solo sedentary time staring into the void & imaging future house projects. I am gearing up for a big basement clean, then lots of yard work in the spring, including our first full season with our front garden plots. I did get to paint the stairs & wall leading up this week. Small victories!

34. I also have been chased by this feeling that I actually do not learn things or even really know anything, but am in this ongoing process of remembering. Every person I meet feels like an old friend. So many ideas I come across feel less like a discovery & more a reveal. I am not convinced I can actually read, haha, just really observant. It is a gift, a power for observation & connection, but also it can feel like a burden, very exhausting & constant.

35. With chronic illness, it is easy to get wrapped up in one’s own suffering, but that old, goofy advice to keep an eye on cool things in the future is so right.

36. Here are some things I am stoked for this year—Beth’s birthday, the next meeting of my new mindful group, TOGETHER at Golden Hour Books, the Canterbury Effect & Husband&Wife reunion shows in Bloomington, & the Ram Dass retreat in Boone, NC.

37. How are you holding up?

38. What have you been enjoying?

39. What are you looking forward to?

40. May you be happy.

41. May you be healthy.

42. May you be full of peace.